Why I joined Thinkers Anonymous

It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then — to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone — “to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home.

One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly we are doing here?”

One day the boss called me in. He said, “Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.”

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss.

“Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”
“I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!”
“But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.”
“It is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!”
“That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. “I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche.

I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors… They didn’t open! The library was closed!

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed…easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today, I registered to vote as a Democrat.

You All Know It…

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Tomlinson
Amy Gregg and Aaron Tomlinson Wedding

This marks the first wedding I’ve been to that included Congregational Humming, though I’m pretty sure it wasn’t planned. It started out like this…

I was sitting in the pew waiting for the wedding to start. Mike Taylor comes to get me and tells me they are having trouble with the sound system. So I go up and after about a minute of looking at stuff, I get that working. Well it looks like a major crisis was averted. WRONG! There is only so much a sound person can do. If a sound person is given a CD that has the tracks out of order or if the tracks have been left off, there is little the sound person could do. Well that is exactly just what happened. The CD that they had given to Zandy did not have the Wedding March on it, but that’s not all…

The first three songs were alright. The next track was supposed to be Canon in D, but it wasn’t. This was the first sign that something had gone wrong. The next sign was when it was time for Amy to come in, there was just silence. I think Aaron had whispered to the preacher to have everybody hum it. So that is exactly what we did. Amy had to come down the aisle with all in attendance humming the Wedding March. Overall it was a good wedding though. Let’s just see if it makes it onto Jon’s Top Ten list.

Let’s All Be Uncool Together

Just in case you didn’t get the email…

On January 11th a new era in men’s fashion will begin again. An ancient artform will be reclaimed and reestablished with the reverence it once commanded. The first Wednesday of the new semester will be CSC mustache day.

For those of you too young to ever remember anyone with a mustache and you’re not quite sure what one is,…here’s how Websters defines it:
mus·tache also mous·tache
n.

  1. The hair growing on the human upper lip, especially when cultivated and groomed.
  2. Something similar to the cultivated, groomed hair on the human upper lip, as:
  1. A group of bristles or hairs about the mouth of an animal.
  2. Distinctive coloring or feathers near the beak of a bird.
  3. Food or drink sticking conspicuously to the upper lip: wiped the milk mustache from my face.

For one glorious evening we will singlehandedly return the mustache to it’s once prominent place in the facial hair hierarchy. So start not shaving your mustache right now. …good job. That wasn’t hard at all was it? Now keep up the good work and I’ll see you all on the 11th.

Todd Tarbett

Girls, you should come with type 2c since it my not be possible for you to do 1.

What Happened to Post 163?

Y’all may not have noticed, but you never saw post #163. You can tell what post number a post is by the number that shows up in the status bar down below when you bring your mouse over a title. Here’s the story on post #163.

Over Thanksgiving break an email came from the CSC Website prayer request page from somebody Firstname Maidenname Lastname. There was no public announcement that Firstname Maidenname had gotten married, so seeing it from Firstname Maidenname Lastname caught me off guard a little bit. The request was simple… It just said Marriage and Pregnancy. This kind of added to the shock. Not only had Firstname Maidenname Lastname gotten married, but was also pregnant. The thing that was strange about it was, it was submitted from a location that Firstname Maidenname Lastname or her husband would not have been. Its possible that one of them could have been there, but I suspected it wasn’t submitted by them. (I know this by the IP address of the submitter.)

Normally when a prayer request gets submitted that people know, I would forward it on CSCLIFE. This request was a little different. I instead forwarded onto her and her husband, but neither one replied. Post #163 was simply a prayer for them and for them to take comfort that Jesus’ blood can wash over a multitude of sins. It was only saved as a draft and has since been deleted.

The present is picked, the cookies are ready to go…

But as I write this, I am very nauseous. I had some orange juice at lunch and it made me sick. This is truly a downside to biking to work. There is no good way to get back home. The cold isn’t so much of a problem when you layer properly (i.e. no open tipped gloves). Oh well, I’m gonna get some rest and I hope y’all have fun at the Christmas Party… and you have been spared the embarrassment of getting my present. For those of you that want a clue, it was only a quarter and was purchased during spring break last year. 😉